she looked like the bat from fern gully.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
