oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize