just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
