You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
