Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
