I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
