It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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