You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
