My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
