YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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