fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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