Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
