There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
not ubering you a puppy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
