I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
