We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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