Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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