I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
