Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
