i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
