His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
