He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
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She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize