So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
