I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
