hell yes lets make some ravioli
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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