So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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