Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
