I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
