No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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