I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
