I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
