i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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