Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
