I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
