so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They took my balls.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
