make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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