i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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