I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
