i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
