you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
