My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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