i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Randomize
