it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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