The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
