some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
