Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
