you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
