he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
