I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
