guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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