She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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