I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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