we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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