How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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