I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
