I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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