I could have mohawked her pubes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
