its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
