I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we're so committed to being not committed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
