im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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