Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
