Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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