Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
