2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
