Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
