Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
