So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
