He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out mid-signature
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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