Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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