I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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