Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
