Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
