Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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