i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
