we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
