So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
