he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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