6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
