That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
