Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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