Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize