going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
